Disgusting Digestion

Xander loves everything in life, except many varieties of food. But the focus should be on the things he loves. Soccer, karate, anime cartoons, science, etc. For his sixth birthday, we capitalized on the fact that he liked hands on science projects. One of the kits he received was called Disgusting Science. We've only done a couple of the activities, but the name says it all. Disgusting!


The kids have been asking to do a disgusting science experiment for a couple of weeks. I kept putting them off, but finally gave in last night. We flipped through the few reaming experiments and decided we would look at digestion. Taking the stomach pink colored balloon (who knew there was such a color?) we added an ingredient to make a lining: vegetable oil. Then, we tore up a piece of wheat bread and put tiny bites into the esophagus (the neck of the balloon). Once we had the food in the stomach, we added stomach acid, but only after smelling it and comparing it to the smell of vomit. Such a lovely disgusting thought, isn't it?


Food in, stomach acid (in this case vinegar) added, we closed off the top of the stomach and began to mush it up. While the kids mushed, we talked about how the stomach is a big muscle. Food mushed so it felt a bit like wet bread, we stretched the balloon to imitate the workings of an intestine. Hand over hand, hand over hand, we used the muscles in our balloon intestine to move the food slowly through to the exit. (Having turned the balloon to face down, we suddenly had the right end.)


This is what the kids were waiting for. The intestines released some 'poop' onto the green plate potty. Plop! It fell and was followed by two smaller pieces. I would have shared a picture, but in Jeff's own words, "I was too mesmerized by the process. I didn't take any pictures."


Now all the kids want to talk about at the table is how every bite they eat makes more poop. Eva, the one I was hoping this little experiment would encourage the most, said she liked pushing the poop out, but had no desire to do it if it wasn't in a balloon. It was still worth a try! Just think how much more kids would know about digestion if science was taught more like this at an early age. My family was certainly mesmerized!

Transformation Part 2

I never told you guys the kids' reaction when they saw their new rooms! Before I do that, I have to tell you how we (mostly I) elicited promises for specific behavior in exchange for the keys. That sounds like blackmail you say? It is.


Anyway, Jeff really wanted to be present when the kids first saw their rooms. After all the hard work he put into creating the spaces, I felt that was appropriate. The only problem was that I was picking them up at lunch time and Jeff wouldn't be home until after soccer. That was a 3and a half hour period that I had to keep them out of their rooms. Certainly, you would agree that it would not be an easy task.


I thought about it and came up with a plan. I would tell them that Daddy and I had spent an enormous amount of time in their rooms. (That is true!) So much time in fact, that we were never able to get the rest of our house cleaned. (Also true!) Because of that ordeal, we decided to lock the doors until we could all sit down and talk about the expectations of keeping the rooms clean.


They came home and ran to the playroom. Before I could get into the house, I could hear Xander yelling, "Mom, the playroom door is locked!" Eva chimed in, but didn't seem nearly as concerned as Xander. Once actually in the house, I asked them to sit down and told the story. "Daddy and I spent lots of time.... Doors will remain locked until..... Future expectations." Xander was bummed, but brightened right away when I said they could each pick out 3 toys from the pile in the basement.


They played merrily for a little while. Then Xander came back upstairs claiming he had to go to the bathroom. I don't think he ever made it to the bathroom, but I did hear the doors of the old playroom and bedroom being tested. He seemed to know something was up. "Why can't I just go in and see how clean the rooms are? I just want to know how they look now!"


It was a long 3 hours before we headed out to soccer. Part of that time, I typed up two lists of expectations for the kids. I thought I would share them with Jeff to get his opinion. He was going to meet us at soccer. But that is not what ended up happening. He thought he was suppose to go home to get more work done on the rooms. I tried calling him a few times, but he never answered. So I went on with the reading and signing of the contracts.


Each child read their own contract and then explained to me what they meant. After signing and dating them, I packed them away and told them they could give them to daddy. If he thought it was good enough, they could have their keys. Jeff, of course, thought the signed contracts were good enough and that we could skip the conversation. Xander and Eva ran to the old playroom and barged in. Xander was happy and Eva couldn't wait. She went in her room before either Jeff or I could stop her. She returned with a huge smile on her face.


I think it is safe to say they are both very happy. Each morning, our day starts with the sound of the gong and the calling together of karate class. This also marks odd times through out the day. Xander has said, "I love my new room!" Eva keeps hugging and kissing me and saying, "I love you mom! I have the prettiest room in the whole house!" Meanwhile, the contracts hang on the refrigerator, just as a reminder should the case arise. Surprisingly  I've had no additional need for them.

Transformation

I've just spent the last hour and a half writing about how redoing the kids rooms went. It was boring with barely an ounce of humor in it. So, I've tossed it all in the virtual trash in favor of starting over. I doubt this will be anymore entertaining, but at least it will be significantly shorter.


Day 1: We didn't make it nearly as far as we had expected. There weren't any serious mishaps, we just didn't get started as early as we had anticipated. I started clearing out the playroom at about 6pm that evening and finished just as Jeff returned from taking the kids to meet Granddad in Rockford. We finally put the paint rollers down and climbed into bed around 2am. The end result of the day was a cleared out playroom with two coats of primer and one cleared out shared bedroom with a coat of primer.


Day 2: Oh my goodness! What a day. We worked long and hard (once we finally got out of bed), but it didn't seem to matter how much effort we put into it. It seemed something was constantly going wrong. I shed tears and cuss words as my sewing machine opted not to cooperate. Jeff cut his hand on a few staples pulling out the carpet. The flooring took much longer than expected to get in.Neither of us noticed it had started to rain. It wouldn't have been too big a deal except we had a lot of supplies still sitting outside on the trailer and it takes paint longer to dry.  By the end of the day, 2am, Xander's room was painted and Eva's floor was finally in.


Day 3: My sewing machine decided it had tortured me enough the night before. What a relief! I could get Xander's flooring done. Of course, that was one of the few things that went perfectly smoothly. In an hour, I was able to finish the projects I had tried for several hours to get done the day before. At least we each accomplished something before we had to go to our other commitments. (Women's retreat for me and the company picnic for Jeff.) When we returned, we had a few more mishaps. The border wasn't a border, but wallpaper so we had to modify it in order to make it work. The canopy would not hang level, making it impossible to get the correct measurement for the tulle.I ended up with a third degree burn on my knuckle. (Skin flaked off, blistered the layer under it which popped, and exposed a bright red and raw third layer of skin.) Still, Eva's room was completed except for hanging up her tutus and two small pictures. I ran out of ribbon and the stores were closed. It was another 2am bedtime with both of us needing to work.


Xander's room still remains unfinished. We hope to get it done this weekend. There isn't much left to do. It's all stuff Jeff needs to do unfortunately. Baseboards and some wood detailing on the walls. A few hooks to hang things on. That's it! I just feel bad because those missing items would make Xander's room look so much better if they were in place.

Tough Question

I almost spit my food out. I managed to keep it in my mouth, but practically choked on it as it moved between my tightened throat muscles. Alarmed, I raised my eyes to search for Jeff's. He was also in a mild panic. I took a long drink of my soda.


"I don't understand what you are asking. Could you try asking it again?"


Xander put down his chicken sandwich and very calmly and seriously asked his question again. "How does the baby get inside the mom?"


I kept drinking my soda even though it was empty. I looked back across the table at Jeff with a nervous smile. Help! I wanted to say. Putting down the paper cup, I looked at Xander. "Do you remember what the book said? You take an egg from the mom and the sperm from the dad. When they mix together, it makes a baby."


I was well aware that the answer I gave him was not what he wanted to know. He already knew the answer I gave him AND the question that lead him to that explanation in the first place.


He didn't hesitate. "No mom. I know that. I want to know.... Okay, so a mom and dad decide they want a baby but not right away and so they don't have a baby. But then, later on, they decide they want to have a baby so they make one. How do they get the baby there, behind the belly button?"


It didn't work. My avoidance tactic only meant that he clarified the question to a point that I couldn't avoid it for the next round. I looked at Jeff again. "You could help me out here."


"We'll talk about this after we are done eating, okay buddy?" Xander agreed. I could have shot daggers at Jeff. Later would translate into right after dinner. That would mean Xander, Eva, and I in the truck. Jeff had met us after work and would be taking the Big Bad Motor Scooter home. At least he bought me some time to think about it.


Thankfully, Xander didn't ask me again. He was pretty distracted by his new crown. Knowing him, I have about 24 hours to come up with an appropriate answer. I don't even know where to begin. As it stands now, I am thinking a trip to the library is in order. (Thanks to the friend who was able to recommend a book written for 7 year olds!)

Memory Lane

Some people say I am nesting. I find the idea interesting. I have certainly been 'spring cleaning' areas a lot more than usual. But, I am not pregnant. Nor do I plan to be.

This morning, I as sorting through a garbage bag that has been sitting in the laundry room for at last 4 years. Most likely going on 7. There were a handful of 0-3month baby clothes in it. A pillow, a nuk strap, Xander's first swimsuit and flotation suit, cards from his baptism, a hat, and a pair of slippers. The best was a small stack of index cards from his baby shower. I smiled reading through each of them. I thought I would share the best ones with you:

"Xander,

I am your mommy's best Aunt Sue and I am here to tell you that when you are around 18 months old ask your mommy for a big apple that rattles. One day your mommy got mad at me when she was about 18months old (I was babysitting her) and took the apple and hit her best Aunt Sue in the head. It's pay back time!

Love,

Aunt Sue"

"Xander,

Your mom is my niece which makes you my great nephew. Your mom is my first niece. I was in 6th grade when she was born. Wow! I'm 43 now. I remember your mom always sucked her first finger until it was sore. I think you look like your dad.

Love You,

Aunt Robin"

"Hi Jeff, Heather and "Z",

Congratulations on becoming a beautiful family. My name is Aunt Kathy and I am so proud of you. Growing up Heather always seemed very independent and would choose carrot sticks over candy. I hope you grow up to be as independent as your mom.

Love,

Aunt Kathy"

"Welcome Alex!

I am so excited to meet you!! You are a beautiful little boy and look an awful lot like your dad right now. I am looking forward to watching you grow. You have very loving parents that are very proud of you and I'm sure I will be seeing many pictures.

Love,

Aunt Teresa"

"Hi Alex,

It's Aunt Rose. Your cousin Drake thought that Santa brought you the night you were born. Your mother always told me that I was brought by gypsies. I love you. Be good for your parents!

Love,

Aunt Rose"

"Baby time!!

Heather (your mom) used to call me an amoeba because I didn't know what is was."

No signature, but I still know who wrote the card. Do you know what an amoeba is now?

I think this is pretty telling about me. It's funny to see how many of these things are still true. (Hint: I don't suck on my finger anymore and haven't hit anyone in the head with a rattle in at least a two years now.)

Pirates Teach Valuable Lessons

It was a pleasant enough afternoon. Perhaps a bit cloudy, but over all comfortable. The clouds, however, threatened to drop rain if we ventured too far from home on our bikes and scooters. So we didn't try it. Instead, we played on the swing set for a little while and then hunkered down in the house. Xander challenged me to a game of Sorry! I accepted and invited the girls to play with us. Not being interested, they wandered down to the bedroom.

I could hear them climbing into the top bunk, chatting, climbing down, and pulling the curtains shut. Nothing alarming. I concentrated on the game and lost track of time and the girls' voices. It wasn't until Xander and I finished the game that I went to check on the seemingly well-behaved children. What I found instead were two little pirates who were doing what pirates do: finding treasure and burying it.

At least, that was Eva's explanation when she told her daddy what she did that afternoon.

They had decided to be pirate girls. "And pirates find treasure," Eva told Jeff with all seriousness and that matter-of-fact manner only a 4 year old child can pull-off. What I saw was a pile of puzzles, games, books, stuffed animals, and shoes spilled over, across, and under the bed. The curtains were drawn shut and the pirates were rushing from shelf to make-shift treasure box with one item at a time as fast as their legs could carry them.

"Oh no! We are not doing this!" I said as soon as I saw the heaping treasure. "You two need to clean this all up, okay?"

"Okay, " they parroted back as they proceeded to close the door.

"And the door stays open so I can hear what is going on. Tell me when you are done." I waited for items to be picked up before leaving the room. Having walked into the hall, I couldn't help but smile. The smile provided me a tempting idea and against my better judgement, I went to get the camera. When I walked back in the room, the pirates had stopped cleaning and were playing with the treasure. "You guys are suppose to be cleaning," I reminded them. "Now stand up, put your arms around each other and say cheese."

Yep. If your pirates..... I mean kids..... are playing quietly, you better check on them.

Dreams

The kids were pretending to sleep. I whispered to Jeff, "Do they really look asleep?"


"Yes, Eva does," he said. Then he broke into a smile. "If Xander is sleeping, he must be dreaming about picking his nose. At least that's what he is doing now."

Xander popped up. "I was dreaming about picking my nose! It's a big booger and when it came out, it looked just like daddy. I put it on the floor and it started walking around."


Jeff and I cracked up laughing. I looked at him and said, "I think your son just called you Boogerman."


Then I asked Eva if she was dreaming too. She responded so quickly, I wasn't sure if she even heard the entire question.


"I dreamed that I was picking my nose and when I pulled out the booger, it was big and it looked just like Xander so I put him on the floor."


"What did he do?" I asked.


"He played and then I ate him."

TV

The kids woke up at 7am this morning. It isn't early for them, but I was so exhausted that I immediately offered to let them watch TV if they would let me sleep for another half-an-hour (or longer.) They were only to happy to accept. 


Usually this is more of an inconvenience to me than just getting up. The TV is in our bedroom which means the kids are jumping and rolling around on the bed while I am trying to sleep. We'd had guests over the past 10 days and had moved the TV into the living room so we could watch a movie without moving the kids who were sleeping in the TV room downstairs.


I stayed in bed as they rushed out to the living room and turned the TV on. Satisfied that they were occupied, I rolled over and went back to sleep. I've never slept soundly once the kids were up. I dozed on and off for the next half-an-hour, listening to snippets of their conversation and the TV while awake and dreaming of cartoon characters with announcer-like voices.


As I was deciding to get up, Xander came bursting into the room. "Mommy! Mommy!" he hollered. A smile lit up his face and roused me to sit up.


"What's up babe?"


"I just saw the coolest thing on TV! Can we buy it? If so, we have to hurry!" He was clearly really excited.


"Slow down. What is it that you want to buy?" In the background, I could hear Eva singing and the chatty monotone sound of the TV.


"It's kind of like a lawn-mower and a weed whacker. It has the same kind of string and you put it in and then it has a charge. You can go all around a football field twice before you need to charge it. But only the outside, not the middle. It's really cool and I think daddy needs one and it is only 4 cents! So can we buy one? Please?"


Slowly, I began to understand what he was talking about. "Are you sure it was only 4 cents and not $40 dollars?"


"Yeah! I'm sure. And if we hurry it comes with a guard you can put on it to protect the flowers and a set of wheels so you can do the edges of the sidewalks too. So please, please can we have it?" He rattled this all off to me as I walked down the hall and into the living room. I'm not sure why I needed the trip to confirm what he was saying. I had been smiling about it since he started talking about football fields.


Sure enough, as I entered the living room, I was met with a blue screen displaying TV show times and a small box in the corner playing the most recent infomercial. "You'd have to call and ask daddy if he even needs one." Xander started to dash for the phone. "But before you do, can I ask you a question?"


He stopped and stared at me, anxious to make the phone call. "Did you watch any cartoons today?"


"Yes. But we are just waiting for the commercial to get done and they are just really long commercials."


Infomercials usually are.