Bullying

I sent this letter to Xander's karate school today:

I'm writing because I witnessed and learned about some things that I was previously unaware of. I am hoping you can help me resolve one facet of this problem.

Xander was invited to a birthday party at a park. We went, but arrived about 15 minutes late. Three of his friends came running up to greet him. I left him with them while I walked my daughter to play with the kids she knew. When I turned around, Xander was running from the other kids. I thought it was some made-up game of tag at first, but there was something off about it. Basically, all four boys were chasing only Xander.

One of the boys eventually caught up with him and pushed him down. Every time he stood up, another boy would push him down. I watched to see if he could handle it on his own. It quickly became clear that he would not be able to do so as he got away only to be chased back down even further from the people who could help him.

By the time I got across the park, he was on the ground balled up and crying. Three of the boys were throwing clumps of mowed grass at him and another boy was attempting to dump a trash can on top of him. My physical presence wasn't enough to stop them. I actually had to tell them that the way they were treating Xander was not acceptable.

Then I did something not well thought out. I picked Xander up and carried him away from the kids. In hind sight, I should have asked him to stand up on his own, brush himself off, and to tell the boys that it wasn't okay. Oops. Opportunity missed and I don't really want that one back. We also have the whole summer before most of these kids will see each other again and I would think that they would forget about this afternoon during that time.

It took me carrying Xander back to get anyone else's attention. The parents of thi children involved apologized to me, but said nothing to Xander or their own children. Instead, they kind of shrugged their shoulders and said boys will be boys. That tells me that these kids will not get the guidance they need in how to treat other people and so this incident could be repeated in the future.

I told my husband about the incident that night and he mentioned having seen it happen before. Not to Xander, but to another little boy we know and by different children. He said he didn't think it was targeted, but the victim was whomever arrived last. And it seems to be a frequent occurrence at his school as Xander has talked a lot about pushing games.

I've already said a lot more than I intended too. I'm obviously still processing it. Xander would be very unhappy as he doesn't want anyone to know. I suggested that he ask you to see if there was a karate move he could use that wouldn't hurt anyone, but keep him on his feet. He balked at that idea immediately.

So, I am asking if there might be something that you could teach in class that would help with this 'pushing game' that wouldn't actually hurt the other child, but better help Xander defend himself if this were to come up again. If so, could you approach it discreetly?

Appreciatively,

The End

The last week this blog has belonged to Xander.  Xander’s last school performance as a kindergartener. Xander’s school picnic. Xander’s last kindergarten lunch. Xander, Xander, Xander. Well that is about to end because this is the last post about Xander being a kindergartener. Here is how his last few hours as a kindergartener went:

He woke up late. Well, later than usual anyway. It was a few minutes after 7 a.m. when he climbed into my bed. Eva was right behind him. Snuggling with both of them, I whispered, “I can’t believe you are almost a first grader!”

Xander lay perfectly still as if this was a new revelation for him. Then he spoke in a voice that sounded near tears, but also filled with joy. “I am so happy that there are only two more hours of school that I could cry.”

He didn’t cry, I don’t think. He bounced. He bounced through breakfast; through getting dressed and putting his shoes on. He bounced to his back pack and out the door. He didn’t walk to school. He half ran and half bounced. With a quick hug a block before the front door of the school, he ran down the sidewalk and into the building.

When I picked him up 2 and a half hours later, he nervously handed me his report card. “Does it say I know enough to be a first grader?” he asked me, doubt discoloring the tone of his voice. I put off giving him an answer until we made it home. Once home, we snuggled up on the bed and went over it one line at a time.

I’ll spare you the full version. Alphabet knowledge: advanced. Writing: proficient to advanced. Reading: advanced (reading level 9, equivalent to the end of first quarter of 1^st grade). Math: proficient to advanced. Art, Music, Phys Ed: proficient to advanced. Behavior: generally well behaved with only one area rated as a sometimes. It’s hard to resolve conflicts in kindergarten.

“But did I learn enough?” he asked. I smiled at him and said I thought he had. Then I read him the brief note from his teacher which ended with ‘Good luck in first grade Xander!’ I thought he was going to bounce through the walls and maybe even the floor. I think it is safe to say he is very excited.

Reading Programs

Last weekend, we signed up for the Madison Libraries’ Summer Reading Program. It’s our first year participating in this particular program. Their expectations are high! Five hours of reading or five books, whichever is most appropriate based on the reading level of the child. In our house, that would mean 5 hours of reading. That in itself isn’t so terrible. It’s the fact that there are not any prizes, not even a sticker, until that is completed!

So, today we signed up for the Sun Prairie program too. In the end, it is the same program. But, Sun Prairie provides little motivational prizes between the exciting pizzas, passes, and pool party. The have silly stickers and tattoos, T-shirt raffles, art projects, etc. It makes getting the kids to read so much easier!

Thank you library systems for providing the motivation children need to become excellent readers!

(P.S. By the time I finally got around to writing this, Xander had already finished reading a Magic Tree House and Magic School Bus book as well as a handful of other appropriate leveled books! Eva isn’t too far behind!)

Swimming Lessons

Xander and Eva had their final swim lesson for the summer. It was bitter sweet as they have worked with their teachers since before Christmas.  Both of them have had two sessions one-on-one session with their teacher and one session where there was one other child in the class.  In other words, they have all developed really good relationships with each other.

Eva will stay in level 4. The difficulty of this level is significantly higher than previous levels. It is no longer about survival, but about actually learning strokes and doing them correctly. Xander will start in level 5B, which is where he is currently at. The only thing keeping him from moving on is his inability to do a somersault in the water. He likes to unfold head down. Oops!

So, good-bye and thank you to the teachers! And hello to waterslides, cannon balls, and splashing!

School Picnic

The day was unhappily hot. It was predicted to be 96 and humid. A heat advisory had been issued for temperatures feeling up to 105 degrees. The school picnic was set for 12:35- 1:00. I was not looking forward to it. Having arrived at the school at 12:30, we walked to Xander’s classroom and waited in the hall. It wasn’t long before they filed out and headed to the cafeteria.

Hotdogs, oranges, milk, cookies, and pretzels in hand, we headed outside to sit on a blanket and talk to friends. Xander, who had been looking forward to the picnic for 2 weeks, ignored us and talked to his friends the entire time. I talked to another mother; Eva played with another little girl; I held a baby; Jeff cleaned up after the kids. We sweat….. a lot!

After the picnic, Eva and I walked home alone. (Jeff had left earlier in order to get back to work.) Once back in the air conditioned house, I couldn’t help but to post “I survived the school picnic!”

Jumping Raisins

It is no secret that we enjoy the occasional science experiment at the house. So, I posed the question, “How do you make raisins jump?”

 The kids shrugged their shoulders. They seemed relatively uninterested. “Okay. I’ll figure it out myself.” I pulled out a bag of raisins making sure to crinkle the bright red bag as loud as I possibly could. The kids looked up, but didn't bite.

I opened the refrigerator  door. A bottle of Ginerale and a bottle of 7-up in my hand, I walked to the table. Thumping them down nice and loud, the kids looked up again. “What’s that?” Xander asked.

“It’s soda.” I turned to walk away to get two glasses.

“Why do you need it?” he asked again.

In my mind, I did a fist pump. I had him hooked and if he was caught, Eva would happily join in.

“It’s jumping juice for the raisins,” I said over my shoulder. I pulled two glasses out of the cupboard.

“I want to do it too!” Eva called. She climbed into the chair next to Xander as I set a glass in front of each of them.

“Okay. So, what is the first step?” I asked them. They both stared at me. “Let’s see. We have a bag of raisins, two bottles of soda, and two glasses. The only things we can’t change are the glasses so let’s start with those.”

They pulled the tall glasses in front of them. “What could we do next?”

“We could put the soda in?” Xander questioned.

I slid a soda bottle to each one. “Open them up and fill them to about here,” I said while pointing on each glass to about the ¾ full area. As they struggled to open the bottles, I opened the raisins and began to ration some out. Once done, I helped open the bottles and helped them poor them into the glasses.

The liquid fizzed appreciatively as it hit the walls of the glass and stirred itself around. The kids ahhhed and ooohhed. They also jumped back as the liquid rose faster than they had anticipated. Even I worried that it would cascade over the side. With luck and less than a centimeter, it petered out and began to lower.

“Now what?” I asked again.

“Can we put the raisins in?” Eva asked, largely having ignored my question although her response was appropriate.

“Let’s do it!” I watched as Eva gently placed one and then another in. Xander, on the other side of her, picked them all up and dropped them in at once. Another wave of fizzy bubbles threatened to pour over the side.

We sat and watched. Nothing happened. I glanced back down at the book that gave the instructions to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. Suddenly, Xander yelled, “Look!” A raisin had jumped! I looked at Eva’s glass. Two raisins were rapidly ascending, bring up with them her excitement level.

Over and over, the raisins would jump to the surface only to fall back down. We watched them for 10 minutes before I reminded them it was meant to be an educational activity. “What makes them jump up and down?” I asked.

Xander was first to give an answer. “I think the bubbles push them to the top and then the bubbles get out, but the raisins are too heavy so they fall back down.” Wow! In layman’s terms, he was absolutely correct. The carbonated bubbles would start to float up and end up stuck on a raisin. As more and more bubbles surrounded the raisin, they would lift it rapidly to the surface. Once breaking the surface of the liquid, the bubbles would pop, the carbonation released and the raisin would again fall down until it was surrounded by enough bubble to lift it.

They watched the jumping raisins for another 15 minutes. Bored with the dramatically slowed rate, they tried stirring it, adding extra soda, adding more raisins, etc. Each new experiment met with limited success, but success none the less.

The kids recorded their observations. Xander drew a picture and wrote an explanation. Eva drew a bunch of lines and squiggles that were meant to be a picture and explanation of the experiment. While they worked on that, I dumped the sodas, recycled the bottles, put away the raisins, and smiled knowing I had succeeded as well.

Jazz Fest

Madison has a lot of festivals. There is Brat Fest, Mifflin Street Block Party, the Dane County Fair, and a ton of other culturally related festivals. There is also Jazz Fest as hosted by the UW. It is an annual event that always takes place on the Union Terrace. The Union Terrace is beautiful place, perhaps not as fantastic as the Monona Terrace, but beautiful in its own right.

It is right on the lake. There is almost always a field of sailboats just off the shore. Ducks float in the water and fill on the bread those sitting on the piers throw in. Green trees mark the boundaries of the lake. There are the older building of the UW campus. They are in good condition, but the old faded books and climbing ivy make one feel as if they have been transported through time. The Red Gym stands most majestic amongst them all. Its tall turrets seem to touch the sky and its deep red brick are always a shocking contrast against the blue or grey skies.

The deep tones and chaotic rhythms of well-known Jazz bands add to the ambience. Thousands of people sit around, sun glasses guarding them from the sun’s rays glaring off the saxophone. A low hum of conversation blends in with the hum of the speakers.

Grills send up smoke signals and the smell of burgers and brats. Cold beer flows freely (if you have the appropriate ID). It’s a joy for everyone and I am so glad I have been able to experience it for the last four or five years.

Clubs

I have been volunteering at Xander’s school all academic year. The last couple of weeks, Eva came with me. Her preschool was over and I wanted to keep the commitment I had made. She was a great helper, playing the games with the kids and helping me carry things, laminate, photocopy, and laminate. After each week, one of the teachers would let her pick 2-3 books out of a box. They were all above her reading level, but enjoyable for her to listen to all the same.

Typically she picked books that were at a first/ second grade reading level. Once home, I would have Xander read them out loud so I could get a better sense as to his reading level. (They were all pretty easy for him it seemed.) One of the books he read is called “The Open Door Club”. He loved it!

At the end of the book, there is a section for teachers to check comprehension. I would ask him these questions and he would answer them. On the one he couldn’t answer, he knew exactly which page to find the answer on. The last question is meant to help the child relate the story back to their personal experiences. In “The Open Door Club”, it asked what kind of club he would make if he could have any kind. He responded with, “Pizza Club!”

I thought about it for a little while and then asked him if he really wanted to have a Pizza Club. He was really excited about the idea so we sat down and wrote up invitations. The club will meet once a month over the summer and while here, the kids will have different kinds of pizza. The first month is make your own pizza, followed by from the freezer pizzas, and the wrap up will either be Pizza Hut or Rocky Rococo’s.

Also, after reading the book, I ran across a little ad for the public library system. They are also hosting a club. A Lego Club! As a family, we attended the first Lego Club meeting last weekend. A children’s librarian read a couple of stories about flying. A spaceship was in the first story and a plane was in the second. Then she dumped the biggest bucket of Legos that I have ever seen onto the floor.

The kids went crazy building their own flying creations. Xander made a Star Wars inspired ship. Two of them actually. He even made a landing dock on the bigger ship so the smaller ship could land on it safely. Eva made a boat. It only had the ability to fly when the librarian used blades to make a motor that would propel it through the water. Eva decided that it would also fly the boat through the air.

After reading, building, and cleaning up we went across the street to Ella’s Deli for ice cream. They sell Chocolate Shoppe which is among the best in Madison. Xander only eats the topping off of his ice cream and then proclaims he is done. That happened, as usual. Jeff said Xander should start trying different flavors because he might find one he likes and would actually eat.

Xander rebelled! Not that is unusual when it comes to trying new foods. But when Eva said her ice cream tasted like fruit loops, everything changed. He couldn’t wait to have Blue Moon again. Not that he actually did the next time, but there was hope and far less fear. Overall, I would call it a win!

There is another Lego meeting next month. If we remember, I think we will take the kids to it. And possibly to Ella’s Deli again!

Healthy Choices

I love the summer and choices that come with it. It is heart-warming to see the kids take such an interest in watching the plants grow, washing fruits or vegetables, and helping prepare dinner. Eva’s skin tone looks wonderful next to the deep green of spinach leaves and bright red of strawberries. To help them better understand how plants grow, we planted beans in a plastic bag with a Sham-Wow from the dollar store. The beans have sent roots down to the bottom of the bags and are starting to unfurl their leaves. The time is coming soon when we will need to transplant them to a bucket.

Meanwhile , the rest of our garden is doing beautifully. Birds are enjoying the strawberries much to our dismay. The tomato plants and pepper plant is blossoming. Summer seems to be timid about showing up (from heat advisories at 100 to a high temp of 58 the next day), but our gardens and choices are growing!

Kids Concert

Sometimes we all need a little music. For some of us, the louder and more unrestrained the music is the better it feels. For others, it’s about quiet soothing sounds. Between Eva and Xander, we have both areas covered!

Eva has become no stranger to the clank and thumps of the washboard. Metal against metal combined with from the heart (and lungs) vocals are her cup of tea. Loud and boisterous, she could entertain hundreds without the aid of a microphone.

Xander loves to just sit and strum his guitar. His head is almost always down, his curls falling gently over themselves. A deep sigh usually signals the song coming to an end. It’s soft, serene, and always soothing. He his happy just making music for himself.

Together, the two of them attack the keys. Pounding, runs, and simple joy rules the ivory in the house. I wonder if that should be motivation enough to have another child. A balancing piece between loud and boisterous Eva and soft and strumming Xander.  That third set of hands could certainly master both moods on the keyboard.

Don’t get too excited. That’s not likely to happen.

Charlie the Caterpillar

I was tired and didn't really want to be cleaning up the back yard. There wasn't much to do. I just didn't want to do it. As I collected the 20 tennis balls that had been flung into the backyard over the course of the day, I felt something unfamiliar on my hand. Glancing down, I saw a black and gold stripe wiggling. I didn't think. I screamed and flung the 10 balls I had in my hands. Before they hit the ground, I began laughing. In my fatigue, a little caterpillar that was probably on one of the balls I picked up managed to startle me into undoing all the work I had just done.

Stooping down to collect the balls again and watching that I didn't step on the little fellow I had shaken to the ground, I called for the kids. "Eva and Xander, come here."

"Why?" they moaned from their great heights on the swing.

"You don't have to. I just thought you might want to see the caterpillar that scared me so much." It's always thrilling to see what a mother reacts foolishly too. Before I had replaced the balls in the deck box, both children were off the swings and searching the ground around the slide. Walking back over, I cautioned them to be careful that they didn't step on him and then pointed him out before going to collect more tennis balls.

They were enamored instantly. When I returned, the caterpillar was crawling around Eva's hand and up her arm as she laughed and cried out that he was tickling her. Xander was begging for a turn. The caterpillar was passed back and forth for nearly an hour. He crawled places I would never recommend anyone go. (Like Xander's belly button.)

"Okay guys. It's getting late and you need baths. Put the caterpillar down and come inside."

"His name is Charlie the Caterpillar," they said in unison. I really hate it when they name wild animals, or even domesticated ones that wonder into our garage or yard. It rarely bodes well for the animal or the children. "Well, put Charlie down and come inside."

"It's Chalrie the Caterpillar, not just Charlie." Eva informed me. Good thing too, because it would have been confusing to have both a dog and a caterpillar with the same name.

Xander whispered to Eva who shook her head in agreement. "He wants to come in with us," Xander pleaded.

"I don't think he does. Caterpillar's like grass and dirt, not hard floors and dogs that might smoosh them. Let Charlie go and come inside please."

"But mom, we can make him a nice home. See? I already picked some grass for him." Their eyes looked so hopeful, but I was not going to allow Charlie to mooch off of us.

"That's very nice, but I bet Charlie has a family of his own and he would miss them a lot. Let him go so he can find his family." Reluctantly they said their good-byes and gently lowered Charlie the Caterpillar to the ground.

This afternoon, after school, he kids went outside to throw tennis balls for the dog when I heard them shouting happily. I looked out the window to find them surrounding one of the casks. "Mom! Mom! Charlie is back!"

Walking outside, I saw a small orange and black butterfly (much the colors Charlie the Caterpillar was) sitting on the cask. I knew it wasn't him, but why ruin a good thing. "See mom? He turned into a butterfly last night and came back to see us. I love him!"

I walked back into the house, smiling at the Gods who made this whole experience possible. Tomorrow, I will order one of the butterfly kits.

Memorial Day Weekend

 It's getting late. I promised myself I would catch the blog up, including everything I could remember from May before June 1st came. That means I have 25 minutes to finish everything up. I can't make the deadline at this rate. Memorial Day weekend was full of 'stuff'. So, I am changing my plans. Not my promise, but my approach. Welcome back to the days of  photoblogging:


Friday we took the kids to see Kung Fu Panda II. The favorite line: "I'm hungry for Kung Fu!" (Stomach growls.) "That was my fist." The favorite scene: The Dragon Warrior and the Fabulous Five are disguised as a dragon. As they encounter bad guys, it looks like the dragon eats them up and then poops them out. Xander almost fell out of his chair laughing and Eva laid across my lap trying to catch her breath. I probably rolled my eyes at the scene and smiled at my kid's obvious joy.


Saturday was a family trip to Farmer's Market to chose what we would plant in the garden and to pick up some meat, cheese, bread, and produce. We ran into friends (repeatedly), watched a magic show, listened to Boo Bradley and a few other street musicians, had lunch out, and then headed to Jung's Nursery for the plants that would replace the Junipers.


In taking the first Juniper out, Jeff pulled a muscle in his back. At that point, he decided on counsel from the neighbor's, to use a chain saw to cut the main branches off the plants and then clippers to cut the roots off. We'll probably have mushrooms growing in the yard over the next few years. I guess we'll deal with that when we get there.


By the end of the day, the front bed to the right of the door was completely torn out, preened, new weed block cloth laid, plant planted, mulched and watered. The rest of the beds were weeded, mulched and watered. Two new plants were planted beneath the bay window to add some color, texture, and height.


Sunday was cold and rainy, but the kids and I still managed to get the garden planted. This year's array includes Sweet 100s (cherry tomatoes), Roma tomatoes, Valencia peppers, cucumbers, green beans, and sugar snap peas. We also pushed back the strawberries and transplanted two small raspberry bushes that didn't stay within the designated area. (I'm not sure they are going to make it.) While we dodged the rain drops, Jeff worked under the deck putting chicken wire behind the trellis to keep the rabbits and other critters out of the garden. Last year proved too frustrating to allow them continued access. 


We also switched the bird feeders around as kind of a science experiment. The thistle feeder is almost as full as the day we hung it up. The standard feeder has been empty for at least a week now. I think squirrels are eating it. Jeff thinks the thistle feeder is too close to the dogs. I think we'll know in the next couple of weeks.


Monday was more work on the yard in the morning. Mowing, dandelion removal, and mosquito population reduction were the primary chores. Around noon, we began getting ready for friends to come over. It was great having a dozen people over for food, games, and just plain old fun.


Ahhh!  Five minutes to upload pictures and get them placed. I think I can forgive myself if it is 12:01 before I am done. Maybe even later.