Bullying

I sent this letter to Xander's karate school today:

I'm writing because I witnessed and learned about some things that I was previously unaware of. I am hoping you can help me resolve one facet of this problem.

Xander was invited to a birthday party at a park. We went, but arrived about 15 minutes late. Three of his friends came running up to greet him. I left him with them while I walked my daughter to play with the kids she knew. When I turned around, Xander was running from the other kids. I thought it was some made-up game of tag at first, but there was something off about it. Basically, all four boys were chasing only Xander.

One of the boys eventually caught up with him and pushed him down. Every time he stood up, another boy would push him down. I watched to see if he could handle it on his own. It quickly became clear that he would not be able to do so as he got away only to be chased back down even further from the people who could help him.

By the time I got across the park, he was on the ground balled up and crying. Three of the boys were throwing clumps of mowed grass at him and another boy was attempting to dump a trash can on top of him. My physical presence wasn't enough to stop them. I actually had to tell them that the way they were treating Xander was not acceptable.

Then I did something not well thought out. I picked Xander up and carried him away from the kids. In hind sight, I should have asked him to stand up on his own, brush himself off, and to tell the boys that it wasn't okay. Oops. Opportunity missed and I don't really want that one back. We also have the whole summer before most of these kids will see each other again and I would think that they would forget about this afternoon during that time.

It took me carrying Xander back to get anyone else's attention. The parents of thi children involved apologized to me, but said nothing to Xander or their own children. Instead, they kind of shrugged their shoulders and said boys will be boys. That tells me that these kids will not get the guidance they need in how to treat other people and so this incident could be repeated in the future.

I told my husband about the incident that night and he mentioned having seen it happen before. Not to Xander, but to another little boy we know and by different children. He said he didn't think it was targeted, but the victim was whomever arrived last. And it seems to be a frequent occurrence at his school as Xander has talked a lot about pushing games.

I've already said a lot more than I intended too. I'm obviously still processing it. Xander would be very unhappy as he doesn't want anyone to know. I suggested that he ask you to see if there was a karate move he could use that wouldn't hurt anyone, but keep him on his feet. He balked at that idea immediately.

So, I am asking if there might be something that you could teach in class that would help with this 'pushing game' that wouldn't actually hurt the other child, but better help Xander defend himself if this were to come up again. If so, could you approach it discreetly?

Appreciatively,